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Sheldon Cooper PhD

Sheldon Cooper,  with an IQ of 187, 2 PhDs, and a Master’s, is the theoretical physicist of my dreams…and  we both use Dell XPS laptops (his red, mine pink) and  have upgraded to Linux based Operating Systems.

He started college at the age of eleven, (right after finishing the fifth grade), and grad school at fourteen. As a East Texas youth, Sheldon built a CAT scanner, a so-called “Death Ray” and a robotic arm made using a modified Easy Bake Oven.  According to his mother, at the tender age of thirteen, he also attempted to build a nuclear reactor in order to provide free electricity for his town; however this failed after a government agent informed him that it was illegal to store yellowcake uranium in a shed. He conducted experiments involving the height of stairs and deduced that if a step on a staircase is as little as 2 millimeters off, most people will fall (this resulted in his father breaking his clavicle.) Sheldon’s dad has since passed and his mother, Mary, a diminutive but over bearing Jesus enthusiast, is conflicted with Sheldon’s strictly-held beliefs in science.

At age fourteen, he experimented with lasers, resulting in him being sent to boarding school after the government took his laser away and hushed the college professor who witnessed the experiment.  Sheldon worked as a visiting professor in  Germany at age fifteen and received his first PhD at sixteen years old, working on Twistor Theory.  He then spent four years on his (second) dissertation, and currently conducts String Theory research at Caltech. He has switched disciplines from Bosonic String Theory to Heterotic String Theory  and reconciled  the Black Hole Information Paradox using a string network condensate.  I have a library card.

Sheldon’s mesmerizing charisma is a combination of several deliciously organic elements: his purely logical state (some might mistakenly characterize this as a complete inability to empathize), his high self confidence (again some may incorrectly label this as an inflated ego), and his endearing  need to secure comfort in ritualistic schedules (such as going to the comic book store on certain day, doing laundry on Saturday nights,  and eating at certain places on specific days).

You might say “Autism Spectrum Disorder”, (if you are indeed qualified to diagnose under the guidelines of the DSM-IV, which you probably are not) but I simply say, “Sheldon is awesome”

We appear to share the same kind of social ineptitude, due partly to my ever expanding consciousness, and his extensive general knowledge, resulting in our unflinchingly honest and insightful verbal exclamations in a world where deception, addiction, and an increasing lack of personal responsibility have, with great social detriment, come to be the norm.   Unlike the Cat Lady, who has become increasingly reclusive, Sheldon has  a group of three friends: Leonard Hofstad PhD, Howard Walowitz M.Eng., and Rajesh Koothrappali, PhD.   All these guys work over at CalTech and Sheldon delights in questioning their intelligence and theories, especially those of Leonard.  He has a pronounced disdain for engineers, (like Howard) referring to them as both “semi-skilled labor” and “the Oompa Loopas of science”.  He also considers Engineering to be “physics’ younger, slower cousin”

Sheldon and Leonard are roommates and they each keep a whiteboard in their living room for scientific theories and equations, most of which feature complex higher mathematics, such as virtual particles  in quantum mechanics, or series of Riemann zeta functions.   He often rambles on about his imaginative ideas and theories, much to Leonard’s annoyance, and refuses to listen to Leonard when he attempts to speak of his own work.  He also refuses to sit anywhere other than his designated spot on the couch or in seats without optimal conditions, such as proper cushion densities and light dispersion.

Sheldon’s interests include Klingon Boogle, comic books (I love that he does not refer to them as “Graphic Novels”, which just makes one sound insecure), video games like Halo and  Rockband, Trek, Doctor Who, and Battlestar Galactica. I love it when Sheldon speaks Klingon, it is a very romantic-sexy language and, Sheldon has a  special way with it.  He does not drive  and needs his friends to take him places; he feels someone of his intellect does not need to learn how to drive.  I would love to be zipping around the CalTech campus in a hovercraft with Sheldon, if only I could reach the level of proficiency which would be required to command a vehicle in which Dr. Cooper was seated in!

Sadly…He dislikes LOL Cats.

Shown above are two homosexuals picking up their dry cleaning.